Keppra and lamictal

... crap has piled upon crap.
It appears my 16 year old Daughter has inherited my bi-polar condition after being misdiagnosed as depressive and freaking out on the drugs they gave her. She is on Lamictal now which is helping yet she is still struggling plus starting her junior year in High School. It doesn't help the HS a block and a half away is being torn down this year so she has to drive herself and her brother (he is an incoming freshman) to a new school several miles away ... at 5:45 am every morning.
She has inherited my fucked-up genes. Today was really bad for her. When she came home I held her while we both cried ... because I have felt what she has gone through and I can't honestly tell her things will get better ... and she is only 16 FFS! I am hoping the increase in the dose of Lamictal will kick in soon. We have to hope.
As for me ~ I have been diagnosed with kidney stones to add to the list of freaking physical woes which I go back into see the Urologist on September 26th. They weren't even looking for the damn things when they did a series of ultrasounds ... yet there they were. I have had bladder issues since I was seven, but nothing like this.
As for the rest ... I wake up every single morning in intense pain because nothing seems to be able to neutralize the pain in my feet. Some mornings I contemplate cutting them both off it hurts so much. As that would most likely cause my death ... I find the idea attractive.
E-mails with long-time friends inquiring into my well-being have gone unanswered as have other comments here on Literotica ... because I haven't known what to say really. I didn't want to share this, but I've grown so damn tired.
I haven't written anything worthwhile in forever.
I can tell you so much about the Battle of Timor ... though that is for a story I doubt anyone will ever read.
There is so much I want to do with 'Life as a New Hire' as well as so many other stories here and elsewhere ... yet the words remain trapped in my head - prisoners to my madness.
That is all.
James aka FinalStand

Bipolar disorder is one beast where what some may consider 'selfishness' or 'laziness' is anything but. You keep on doing whatever you have to, James, for your health and for your family. I'm sure I've said it before and I'll say it again, your fans aren't going anywhere. Sorry about the power hit to your open docs. I hate that. Ditto for the meds.
After trouble with Geodon, and being prescribed Zoloft solo, my wife is currently extremely stable on Zoloft as the anti-depressant and Lamictal as the stabilizer after tweaking the dosages and sticking with Pfizer's brand rather than generic for the Zoloft. Not perfect, energy draining side-effects, but very, very stable. From outside you *may* see 'moody' or 'a bit odd' but not 'nuts'. She's held a highly technical office job for 11 years and been with me for 10, the first four years were untreated and she self-contained in public but let loose in private. Lithium would be fantastic if not for the necessary periodic blood tests because, as luck would have it -- needles trip her trigger for a panic attack which sends her into a bipolar (II) episode.
Take care, James. For every one of us who comments, there's a legion of lurkers thinking similar thoughts. You're held in the highest esteem.

within this mindfuck of a story. Anafranil and Lamictal...for treating anxiety/OCD and BPD. Jessie starting to act more normal. Really stunning unsolicited admissions that she is seeing a doc, disclosure of her meds, and hypnosis is being used to get her to talk. So, carvohi is bringing this home with growth in her character.
And Gary, yeah, well he is one fucked up dude. We don't know what he used to be, we only see the result of years of abusive treatment. He is like the proverbial frog in a pot of water bringing brought to a boil. I do see some growth in his character. He has always been a go with the flow guy. It didn't serve him well through his married life. In a fucked up way it is serving him well now. Her shit seems to roll off his back with little effect (yeah, he is a wimp, a doormat, a pussy, a cuck, whatever). But you can see the merest semblance of a plan from him. At best his plan is to wait things out. To his credit, that simple plan is coupled with him setting some small boundaries, while consistently telling her that they are done. The beauty of that is it rolls off Jessie because, in her mind, things are only over when she says they are over.
This thing is a hell of a ride because it is so mindnumbing. It fits no frame of reference. It all has a fucking Alice in Wonderland feel to it.

God damn give it a rest. Repeating the same fucking things over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again!!! STOP!!!!!

And more and more and more and more and more

Way to much fucking and to little of the story.
Not everyone wants to read about fucking and fucking and fucking and fucking and fucking and fucking and fucking and fucking and fucking and fucking.

And on and on and on and on.